hi everyone I'm Kell ooro and this is
adaptable Behavior explained hi
everybody thank you for tuning in today
to adaptable I'm so glad to have you
here I'm really excited to discuss the
topic of mindset specifically a growth
mindset today it's a really important
concept to understand because it really
shapes and affects so much about how we
interact in the world and I'm especially
excited to have with us our guest today
Jaden OKO who uh is going to tell us a
little bit about herself hi Kelly thanks
for having me yeah so my name is Jaden
and I'm 20 years old I'm currently a
student at ASU I'm super excited to be
here and talk about growth mindset and
how I use it in different Avenues of my
life awesome thank you so much and she's
being quite modest because she is a
fascinating young woman I've known her
for about seven years she uh one of my
neighbors and she is at the barretts
honor college and uh has just been a
hardworking overachiever and part of why
I chose you to be on the show is because
it's evident that a growth mindset has
been part of the outcomes that you've
experienced however there's a broader
Spectrum related to mindset that I
wanted to discuss especially as it
relates to people in their early 20s uh
I think that you have a lot of
challenges and I wanted you to share
some of the things that have helped you
to become uh successful and overcome
obstacles and helped get you to where
you are today absolutely thanks for
being here so Jaden you have been
described as a gifted child and someone
who has met or exceeded many
expectations that Society might have for
you and I just wanted to know a little
bit about how you would describe mindset
for yourself yeah that's a really good
question I would have to say like we
could really simplify my personal
mindset for life like literally into the
phrase why not um I feel like I've been
able to do so many things and things I
never in my wildest dreams thought I was
going to be able to get to do and
especially so young in my life but just
having the why not mentality it really
eliminates any limitations you would put
on yourself because if you're presented
with an opportunity and you're like oh
I'm too young oh I don't have a degree
yet oh I'm not qualified for this but
the why not mentality is just so
empowering because it's like okay well
so what like just try it like you could
get a no and that's okay and a no is
never forever and so really just having
that mentality makes me super Fearless
in the pursuit of my goals and it really
eliminates any limiting factors that I
could put on myself or that Society
could put on me because when you're like
well I have nothing to lose and
absolutely everything to gain um you
just go for anything and everything and
it's opened so many doors for me and
honestly it's been a domino effect
because saying yes to something that was
out of my comfort zone something that I
wasn't sure if I was capable of doing
led to the next thing that led to the
next thing and just never holding myself
back has been so incredible and it's
been really cool to see and all
everything come into fruition but yeah
to answer your question my personal
mindset is why not I think that that's
awesome in an ideal world but a why not
mentality without guard rails could
potentially create problems or danger or
things like that depending on how you
pursue the why Nots or how you're you
know given why given opportunities about
which you would say why not so what
values would you say help you to have a
filter in how you make your decisions so
that it's not why not jump off the cliff
or why not do this other drug or
whatever else for for you how do you
implement some guard rails with values
yeah absolutely it's super important to
not be Reckless or careless everything I
do um is very thoughtful and with
intention
um and so I do have values that I almost
use as like a rubric to kind of measure
opportunities against that I'll say yes
or no to and still having why not there
you know is really important to me to
making sure I'm not letting like an
insecurity hold me back um but if I say
no to something like it's just because
it didn't align with the value and
that's okay so to answer your question I
guess I would have to say two really
important values in my life would be
ambition and advocacy um I think is so
important especially as a young woman in
today's society to be super fearless and
going after things and so I'm a very
ambitious person and I I do work super
hard and then also tying in advocacy to
my work because I think when you're
given opportunities it's so important to
bring people with you or to advocate for
people who maybe don't have the stage
that you're on um and I pair all of that
with my third value which would have to
be my faith um I'm a very Christian
person and so if I feel like an
opportunity doesn't align with my
personal morals and values then of
course I will I will always respectfully
turn it down but I try to carry ambition
and advocacy with me and then just to
make sure you know it's not a dangerous
choice you know of course I'm being
super intentional about what I'm saying
yes to I'll use my faith as like a
metric for that awesome so it's clear
that ambition drives you and can be the
fuel that's that you know perpetuates
your fire and and your outcomes have
demonstrated tremendous ambition how
would you say in a world where things
are so fast-paced which is an incredible
uh you know I think disadvantage in a
lot of ways that you incorporate
mindfulness as part of how you how you
manage not letting ambition turn into
exhaustion yeah that's so important
burnout is so real and I think we do
live in a really fast-paced Society you
know I work in social media and you know
your feed is just filled like there's
not even Gap apps between the videos it
is just scrolling and scrolling and
everything can feel so fast and so it is
so important to find those moments of
mindfulness um and I think for me that's
like car rides I love listening to music
um and having my windows rolled down and
I am in the car a lot going from point A
to point B and so sometimes it's hard to
like add to the schedule like I'm going
to journal today so I really like to
find moments that are already in my day
and then integrate gratitude and
mindfulness into those so whether it's
saying like a quick prayer at a red
light or just listening to music I
really do find like the car is a really
good space for me to be mindful but also
in my other jobs that don't really
involve screens I'm a baby gymnastics
coach and obviously I'm not on my phone
when I'm doing that and so working with
the kids being super Hands-On and just
being away from my phone is like really
good for me throughout my week to just
have those moments of really important
human connection I would say just
finding spaces where I'm already going
to be at work or I'm already going to be
in the car and then incorporating
mindfulness into those moments is really
cool that makes sense do you ever have
moments where there's just Stillness of
just being without an objective like
even you know prayer is great for quiet
space going within but um what about
anything that's just completely void of
an action attached to it good question
you have any of those times for yourself
I mean I am 20 and I am a college
student so I I do take naps nap time is
great I'm a I'm a big advocate for nap
time um in between classes highly
recommend do 20 minute power nap um and
I I let myself rest and I don't let
myself feel guilty about it I will
schedule rest into my day it will say on
my schedule in between meeting and in
between Class 20 minute power nap that
does not surprise me you it's so cool
because when I check that off my list I
feel productive you know I it's not
something I feel guilty about um so
moments of complete Stillness I'm a big
napper awesome that would be my
authentic answer to that uh can you
describe a time where you were able to
incorporate something that was really
Mindful and the outcome that it
presented for you yeah so I'm a really
big reader I love to read books I think
it's so important it works on your mind
and it's fun cuz sometimes I have to
read like no offense for really boring
stuff for my classes and so getting to
read books that I enjoy just for leisure
is super important to me and so I really
wanted to spread that I was like how
could I spread my love for reading with
others and so um after I read a book I
would take notes on it because I wanted
to remember that story and I'd been I
did that for like a year read a book
take notes on it and that was a mo that
was an opportunity for me to be mindful
um and then I was like well wait why
don't I like create a journal based off
the template I was organically doing and
why don't I like release a reading
Journal so I worked super hard for like
oh my gosh it was a project I spent 6
months on but I created designed and
manufactured a reading Journal um that I
sell on Amazon and that has been so cool
and it was 6 months of like really
intentional mindfulness like every
detail in that book had so much purpose
in it versus like something to the
smallest detail of the font or the color
I chose or the graphics on the page I uh
there's a lot of like nature on the
notes pages and that was so important to
me because I truly do feel like reading
was an escape it can be anything that's
too much that pulls us out of our
present reality can can work like that
so I think it's great that you're aware
of that and so um that was an
opportunity where I was so mindful about
everything that went into my book and
the the outcome was absolutely
incredible and the feedback I received
was amazing and it was so cool because I
released it around Christmas time and
then I saw on social media people were
buying the book and giving it as
Christmas gifts and that that made my
heart like so happy that was such like a
personal win for me because truly that
was the goal was to spread love for
reading um but I that was an opportunity
for me where I was so mindful about
everything that went into that book and
then the outcome of getting to sharing
sharing it with people that's awesome
you must be so proud of yourself such a
cool accomplishment so it's clear that
you have a lot of ambition and I love
that you have advocacy as part of your
values I'm curious how you address
things for example limiting beliefs we
have um we all have limiting beliefs and
overcoming them and having sort of a
plan to overcome those limiting beliefs
or maybe a mantra or things like that
are often times helpful so what are some
things that you Embrace when it comes to
overcoming limiting beliefs while there
have been so many like just incredible
wins like it's not like that it's not
like they didn't come at a cost and it's
not like it didn't take a lot of hard
work to get there and so especially
being a gifted child and growing up in
gifted prechool all the way to now being
in Barrett the Honors College it's been
an absolutely incredible experience but
it did come with kind of some like
harmful self-perceptions I would say I
think one of the labels we put on gifted
children is that they're attention
seeking and that is such a negative
connotation to it you know it's
associated with the idea that like oh
like we just want praise we just want
accolades we want your attention we want
to show how smart we are and so
something that's been really crucial and
overcoming that limiting belief that was
something I held about myself you know I
had been called an attention seeker I
internalized that and to like a negative
of myself um so something that's been so
like critical for me and overcoming that
was changing my mentality from I was an
attention seeker to no I was a
connection Seeker um and when you see
gifted children as connection seeking
your entire Viewpoint of that child
changes um because with attention it's
so negative it's like requires another
party we want the praise we want the
accolades versus connection seeking it's
like it's mutual it's like wait I want
to understand you I want to learn more
like gifted children are such empaths
you know we we we seek that human
connection um and so your your entire
Viewpoint of that child changes and that
really helped me change how I saw myself
um and I also think when you when we
think of receiving attention that
requires another party that requires
somebody else validating you that
requires somebody else praising you and
being the source of your confidence and
with connection seeking I think one of
the most important connections you can
have in your life is the one you have
with yourself of connection seeking
eliminates that other party and it's
like wait like not that like I need
somebody else to validate my
intelligence or my gifts or my
capabilities like I know I'm smart and
that's the only thing that matters and
I'm connecting with myself and it's so
much more positive um and so I would say
switching my mind frame from attention
to con connection seeking has been
really cool I think that's so very
important because you know as humans we
are hardwired for connection and I think
that children absolutely need approval
and praise and I think that Pride
motivates future Behavior so I think
that that external uh implication of
seeking attention versus the internal
hard wirring that we all need praise and
connection and we all need that as part
of our development of self and security
and attachment and who who am I as a
person I I think there's another
important concept to just put out there
because in all parenting whether you
know your child is gifted or not when
they have behavior that appears to be
attention seeking I think that a lot can
be missed because ultimately all
Behavior bad or otherwise is the result
of an unmet need and so if we can change
that lens and look at Behavior as
something that is needing to be
addressed and then think about it
through terms of Conn connection seeking
which is totally lifegiving I think that
is a beautiful piece of advice so thank
you for that I think you know that what
you internalized so intuitively can help
a lot of people and maybe even change
that frame of reference from how we view
you know uh attention seeking behaviors
with anyone exactly and I think seeing
it as connection seeking is so
humanizing because it's like you know
gift to children they're more than a
mind they're more than a test score
they're more than a data point to like
brag about they're they're a human being
and they have those same needs
regardless of IQ every human has this
intrinsic need to connect and when we ex
deide exactly and when you extend that
Grace to gifted children it humanizes
them and it's like there's so much more
than like their grades they're a human
being and they genuinely seek connection
with others and that is beautiful it's
it's it's really incredible yeah and it
it must be hard when you think about you
know and we don't need to get into this
too deeply but just something that
occurred to me me is when we are ex you
know if if we accelerate or if we excel
at something you know such as yourself
there is a lot of Praise that tends to
come from it and there's also a lot of
accolades that are given and then
coupled whether intentional or not
expectations around those accolades and
the and the Excellence that that is
achieved so I think that it can be a
little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy
and that you do so well with something
and then get a lot of Praise because we
want to see people do well and we want
to praise and and that it's hard for
that to not turn into an external cue to
motivate future Behavior so I think it's
really insiteful that you kind of caught
that piece and were able to course
correct it how you think about it
because with connection seeking you're
really focusing on the connection you
have with yourself and not necessarily
the outside praise right so there's a
lot of Buzz around positivity toxic
positivity and and the power of positive
thinking because our thoughts do fire
and wire data together and the and the
focus that we put on our daily thoughts
really does impact perpetuated future
thoughts so how would you describe uh
positive thinking for you and and how
does it impact you yeah so we're talking
about mindset today and so I definitely
think the ability to have a positive
mindset is such a personal victory for
anybody and so I would say I use
positive thinking to reclaim personal
autonomy over situations I didn't have
any control over because when you're
going through through a hard time or
when something unfortunate happens to
you like you can't change the situation
but one way to take back some of your
power is changing your mindset and your
perspective on that issue because it
really is you saying like yes this hard
thing happened um and it would be
impossible for me to not be changed or
affected by it but I'm not going to be
defined by it and so you utilizing and
leveraging a positive mindset can allow
you to reclaim some of your power that
maybe a hard situation took away from
you because you're able to see like well
I and not to be toxically positive and
you can be like I'm not grateful for
that I don't have to be grateful that
that happened but I can be grateful in
that moment I don't have to be grateful
for that moment but I can say or even
furthermore what that moment taught me
or I learn from or the Triumph that I
got to feel for the overcoming of and so
it's almost like the I ran the marathon
and even though at you know mile 28 or
hold on I ran the marathon and at Mile
23 think I can't get through this the
Triumph you feel when Crossing that
Finish Line uh I don't have to be
grateful for the fact that everything
hurts right now as I'm running but I can
be grateful that I overcame and exact
and feel that Pride yeah goal setting is
a of Paramount importance when it comes
to getting anywhere we have to know
where we want to land in order to
achieve the things that we want to do uh
and we want as far as outcomes in our
lives so can you tell us a little bit
about for you how do you implement goals
goal setting into your life and what
does that look like yeah so I definitely
rely on my why not mentality and I like
to set really big goals for myself
because even if I don't fulfill the goal
well wow look at this amazing outcome I
still was able to reach because I set
the finish line so far away but more
often than not what I found is that when
I set super high goals for myself um I
truly do all I can so God can do all I
can't I really do feel like I put 110%
to everything I do but God really does
orchestrate so much magic behind the
scenes to put the other people I meet or
the other doors that are going to open
for me like to be in the right place at
the right time to open for me um and so
I would say when I do set those really
high goals I often surpass them because
I have the Lord in my back corner
cheering me on and so I would say with
goal setting I'm not afraid to go big um
because I know God's only going to make
it bigger that's awesome and if you get
knocked down there's a lesson there
exactly right that's that's great so we
can't talk about how a person turns out
without talking about our upbringing and
um adaptable it's all about the human
experience and how our histories inform
what happens for us today and so when
you think about your upbringing and you
know we had talked before about your
your um parent influence as positive
reinforcement and coupled with high
expectations can you talk a little bit
about how that has impacted your goal
setting strategies and the way you think
about that yeah absolutely and so I was
raised by a mom who grew up in rural New
Mexico and so she did not have access to
the incredible teachers I got to learn
from the you know amazing accelerated
learning programs I had available to me
and so you know it was really why she
moved me out here was because she'll and
she'll tell you this to her face she
said that when I was born I was just
looking around I just observed
everything and she said the moment I saw
you know your little baby eyes I knew
there was something special about you
and she felt like God had given her like
not to brag about myself but this
Incredible Gift of a child and she felt
so convicted to do whatever she needed
to do to give you know this baby girl a
platform to share her gifts with the
world and so when we moved out here I
was put into accelerated learning
programs which was absolutely incredible
because it was something my mom didn't
have the opportunity to pursue and she
wanted to give me a life that she um
couldn't have when she was younger and
so what that meant moving out here was
that well you're going to go to school
in the most academically competitive
District in the state does I feel like
pressure at times for you when you think
about the the um the bar being set so
high and like you're going to do all the
things that I didn't have a chance to do
when you think about how you feel about
that does it does it send any like you
know I haven't thought about it that way
in in the way of pressure like I really
need to outshine because I was given so
much opportunity I do not see pressure
as a burden I see it as a privilege
because wow how lucky am I to have
somebody that wants me to be my best
self and is going to push me to get
there and so something that was really
interesting was that my mom never
demanded Perfection that that was never
the expectation the goal was always you
are going to be the best version of
yourself because you deserve that like
everybody deserves to be the best
version of themsel and so it was so
important to my mom that I was given the
resources to fulfill that and you know
not so she could live vicariously
through me and not that she had a
vendetta against um you know her
childhood but just that she truly
thought there was something so special
about me and she thought she would be
doing me a disservice if she didn't help
me do everything I could possibly do to
be the best version of myself and so yes
the expectations were Skyhigh like I
will not lie I would there was a lot
demanded of me um but pressure is a
privilege because it means there's
somebody who believes in you and
believes in your potential to succeed
and I especially if it's coupled with a
lot of praise and a lot of accolades and
it's not just where you fell short if it
wasn't perfect no and so the
expectations were Skyhigh but I was
literally never told like okay fly like
go do it like grow wings you don't have
my mom really did help me build a ladder
um and that's something we've talked
about before and so I was always like
you are going to be the best version of
yourself no questions asked but I
believe in you but I think you're
incredible you're so smart and you're so
hardworking and let me make sure you
have access to tutoring and let me take
you to the library as many times as you
want me to in a week so you can read
every book you want but let me make sure
you have fun so if you want to hang out
with your friends and you want to do
other opportunities I'm going to make
sure we have time for that and so it was
it was so holistic um and I was able to
explore anything I wanted to but it was
just so important to my mom that you
know this this child she felt she had
been given from God was giving was never
held back that was so important to my
mom it's clear with ambition advocacy
support from your family system all of
those things are in you know in your
favor no question but I think there are
some things that are just hardwired
related to our personalities and our
epigenetics and everything our family
line has been through and our stories of
overcoming and that leads us to talking
about resilience and ultimately grit so
when you think about those two concepts
resilience for yourself and grit can you
tell us story of overcoming where
resilience was at the at the base of
everything and where you needed to rely
on some grit to move through so when
you're doing incredible things and
you're truly feel like you're living in
a movie um people will bring you back to
reality very quickly and it is so
important to never forget that you can
never make everybody happy and there are
always going to be people to have
something to say to say about what
you're doing and they're going to try to
bring you down and it's really important
to just remember remember that and so a
specific story of where I had to really
rely on resilience was like I would say
I kind of always experienced bullying
growing up you know I told my mom when I
was 8 years old I wanted to be on Disney
Channel and she said okay let's do it
and so I signed with a modeling agency
and I worked in the entertainment
industry for like 5 years and it was
incredible but with that came like
bullying at school and um and that that
never went away it evolved into body
shaming as I got older and then you know
eventually the source of my bullying was
coming from adults wow yeah and so um I
played two sports in high school and my
tennis coaches were absolutely amazing I
love them so much but uh a coach for
another sport I played you know was
caught um in a very public manner saying
really hurtful and horrible things about
me and I was not there and it it was
such a weird experience to be bullied by
an adult
because you know such a betrayal it is
such a betrayal and you know especially
like you feel like um coaches and
teachers and mentors in your life
they're supposed to be like trusted
adults people you respect and people who
you know you can count on and it was
such a betrayal to hear um just the
really nasty things that were said about
me because I was still a child how did
you handle it um that was really hard um
because you just don't know if you're
worth speaking up about and so in
conversations with my mom and with my
family we were like do we speak up about
this do we cause a problem and I think
that's that's that's so wrong and
sometimes when I don't you know I truly
like to see myself as like a survivor of
a lot of situations but I think when
you're in the middle of it a lot of
victims
don't say what happened because of this
fear like oh I don't I don't want to
bother anybody I don't want to be a
burden no I'm okay it really wasn't that
bad minimize your experience you want to
minimize your experience and that really
takes away from like the severity of
what happened like an adult said really
horrible things about me and that's not
okay and so ultimately what it came down
to was like there are so many other
people that have been in this position
that was a child and had an adult say
horrible things about them and they
didn't get a voice and they didn't get
an opportunity to speak up so there
comes your advocacy so I'm going to
speak up in this situation if not for
myself for every other little girl that
had something nasty said about them
happen I was 16 or 17 at the time you
know very I was that was those are very
formative years and that you know one
comment can stay with you for a long
time and really influence how you see
yourself and so I was like and you know
what I'm also going to speak up because
I'm going to contribute to a culture
that says bullying is never okay from
another child from another adult and I
had been bullied for like 8 years at
that point and it was like I I want to
be somebody that said this wasn't okay I
wanted to be somebody that had the cycle
end with me this really vicious cycle
because hurt people hurt people and I
didn't want to let this change me and I
didn't want to grow up to hurt another
person because of unresolved conflicts I
had in myself and so I did speak up I
did say something about it and people
were held accountable and Justice was
served and that was so important to me
and that was such a little victory for
me when it taught you that your voice
does matter and that your experiences
matter and that's such a beautiful thing
to have be part of your resilience story
and and your grit for sure and the fact
that you had family to support it I
think is really critical yeah uh as well
so um you can hopefully see why I
invited this young lady to be on our
show she's just a bright light and I
feel so lucky to know you um we do have
more for you from Jaden and uh that'll
be in another episode but I wanted to
just thank you so much for being with us
and um hopefully you shed some light on
other people uh of similar stories or
can provide an example to be uh you know
a beacon of light to be you know to
point toward and have uh young women
feel inspired by the person that you are
I know that I certainly am and I think
that you're just a lovely human and she
she is not just beautiful on the outside
She is totally beautiful on the inside
so she has she has all of it she's an
incredible person so thank you so much
for being with us and you can get that
journal on Amazon we'll put the link in
in the comments below but uh until then
make sure that you lead with love it'll
never steer you wrong
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you
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