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The person you knew no longer exists They no longer exist. You saw a different side of them at the beginning of the relationship
This amazing, wonderful side of them that you liked and seemed to connect with
Who seemed to care about you enough to invest their own time and energy into you
But then they gradually began to change, until they started to pull away
And then there wasn't much communication. To the point where they would even ghost you for several days
Which left you longing and yearning for them. And you may even have become addicted to them
Even though you may have recognised that they're not a good person
And that they're not helping you to grow or to become a better version of yourself
But you will still stay stuck to where you're longing and yearning for them
Because you're remembering this other side of them when it no longer exists
Because they used different masks. They had a false image that they displayed to you
Which they can adjust and change depending on the people that they're around
So you may have seen one side to them. But then their family and friends will see a different side
When really they're just projecting a fake persona. They're pretending to be a person that they're not
Which is typical behaviour of criminals, con men and even politicians. They're projecting an image of how they want to be seen and perceived
Because they want you to see them as this amazing and wonderful person
Rather than who they actually are. And the simplest way to identify this
Is by recognising that if that other side of them was really who they are
Then they would be that way with you now. But they're not
Because it wasn't even real. It was a shared fantasy. A figment of your imagination
But it may have appeared to be real. Because they're master manipulators
They're more concerned about their image than anything else. On how they appear to other people
Whether it's as someone who is desirable and attractive. Or someone who is powerful and important
But even if people don't see them that way. As long as that's how they feel about themselves
They don't really care. Because they also have an internalised image. That is based on the past successes of their manipulation
So they can do things that cause you to view them differently
And yet they will still view themselves as a good person. As though their actions do not impact their character
Which is how you should know that the side of the narcissist that you fell in love with
Was not actually who they are. That side of them doesn't even exist
They are an empty shell who wears different masks. In order to manipulate and deceive you
So they will wear a mask and get you to fall in love with them
Often by reflecting your own qualities and virtues back to you. So really you're just falling in love with a projected image of yourself
But you think that it's them. Because of the mask they're wearing and the image they're projecting
Because you don't separate the mask and the false image from who they actually are
And instead all you see is your common interests and ideals. Where they suddenly start listening to the same music as you do
And their hobbies become the same as yours. So you start to think you have this amazing connection
As though you're soulmates and you're meant to be together. And there's no one else who you can connect with on this level
Because they constructed and invented this character. And it was tailor made to your personal interests and ideals
They mirrored back to you your own likes and dislikes. They brought together different parts and pieces of how they need to act, behave and appear in any given moment
To intercept, hook and capture you. By studying, learning and then knowing exactly what it is that you would want to see
Exactly what it is that would grab your attention and prevent you from focusing on anything else
Because that's all that it was. It was just a means of getting you to notice them
So that you would focus your attention on them. It doesn't go any deeper than that
Which is why with time and especially if you stop engaging with them in the same as you did before
You will notice that the mask begins to fall to pieces. And they appear to be a very different person from who you originally thought they were
Until you begin to doubt yourself and you wonder what is actually real
What is actually the truth about this person? Because how they're behaving now does not line up with what was initially revealed to you
So now you wonder if everything was a lie. Because it's like they've been leading two different lives
It's like they're two completely different people. And the real person you thought you knew is not even real
Because it's not real. It's only real as long as you continue to validate it
Without your validation it all falls apart. Because it doesn't even exist
Which is the most difficult thing to accept in these relationships. Because it means that your trust has been betrayed
And you've been falling in love with someone who doesn't even exist
Because it was nothing more than a projected image. It's no different to a movie scene
Where it's directed and orchestrated. And they plan and coordinate the elements of a situation to produce the desired effect
Which can make it appear believable and convincing. When really it's all just projections
They present an image to you. Which you then view as reality
And then you unconsciously transfer your own desires and emotions onto them
Which they then reflect back to you. And you then estimate and forecast future situations based on the study of present ones
When what you're experiencing with them in the present isn't even real
It doesn't even exist. Because it's just a representation. You're simply imagining that they feel a particular emotion or want something
When in fact it is you who feels that way. Based on what they're reflecting back to you
When all they're reflecting back to you is an image of yourself. Your own qualities, virtues and ideals
Which they don't even appreciate or value themselves. So it's no different to watching a movie
It's orchestrated in a way to pull on your heart strings. To make you think and imagine something
When in reality those characters in the movie don't even exist. They're not really there
Even while the image may be there. And your feelings and emotions may be there
But they're not there. Because the character you fell in love with doesn't even exist
That version of them was nothing more than a fabrication. A concoction of bits and pieces taken from movies, celebrities and their past sources of supply
To make them look better in society. By conforming to a particular set of characteristics and qualities
So that they could feel, appear and act in the way that they would prefer
To slide under the radar and continue doing what they want to do. While abusing you at the same time
You fell in love with a deceptive outward appearance. That was maintained to conceal a less pleasant and less creditable reality
And the saddest part about it. Is when you realise that you've fallen in love with someone else
You've fallen in love with something that doesn't exist. And that these false ideas and beliefs have been implanted in your mind
To make you act and respond in the way that they wanted you to. For their personal benefit and advantage over you
Which is why you need to completely recognise and accept the reality that you're in
Even though that reality may include pain or discomfort. Because although you may have said that they love you
Although they may have said that they love you. They also abused you the entire time
So you need to stop responding to your emotions. And instead look at the facts
Because that's the only way that you're going to wake up. And realise what you were actually dealing with
Because the entire time they belittled you. They made you feel less than
They made you feel insignificant. To where you felt like you weren't deserving of anything
But then you also had to keep up the image and appearance
To make it look like you were having a good time. Even though you weren't
You felt empty and hopeless. And you were so upset and embarrassed
That you had to cope by numbing your emotions. Because they were constantly raging at you
Over any little thing you said or did. But until now. You may not have truly accepted the situation for what it was
And instead you told yourself a lie and a story. Because you were holding on to the hope
That maybe their false character will return. When that's never going to happen
Because that version of them doesn't exist. It was fabricated to manipulate and mislead you
And it will be recreated for the next person. And the person after that
Because they're never honest or sincere. And this is why they don't change
Because they're never honest. Which is how you then fell for their false image
While longing and yearning for their return. And it's why nothing is going to change
And it's never going to get better. Because that version of them doesn't exist
You can book a one on one with me on my website. It's narcsurvivor.co.uk
Thank you for watching. And I'll talk to you soon. Narc Survivor