I chose to live with my stepmother instead of my father after they divorced
Well, is she nice to you? I, 18 female, am about to graduate high school, and things have been weird at home for a while
But now everything's kind of blown up, and I'm getting a lot of mixed reactions, so I figured I'd post here
By the way, this comes from user addtaylor, and if you want to submit your own stories
go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. So, my dad remarried when I was 14
His new wife had two kids from a previous marriage who were younger than me. From the start, she was polite but cold
Never rude but definitely distant. She always seemed more relaxed and affectionate with her kids
which hurt, but I figured maybe that was just natural. Well, I think both of those things can be true
Yeah. But whenever I came in the room, she stopped laughing and looked at me
as if I was a danger of hurting her children. Oh boy. For years I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her
I tried being friendly and helping her out with the kids, giving her space, etc
But it never felt like I was truly welcome in my own home
It hurt, but I got used to it. But something changed this past year
I don't know exactly what triggered it, but stepmom started acting different
More present. Kinder. She started checking in on me, inviting me to sit with her and her kids more
Even standing up for me when my dad would snap or criticize me. And that's when things started to click between us
Turns out my dad had told stepmom a lot of stuff about me when they first got together
Things like I was manipulative, dishonest, moody, lazy, emotionally unstable. Basically made me sound like some troubled dramatic teenager who couldn't be trusted
I found this out because I overheard them fighting about it. She apologized and said she realized how wrong she'd been
And how my dad was constantly nitpicking, belittling, and controlling. And how she never saw it clearly until she started watching how he treated me versus everyone else
They divorced about two months ago. My dad expected me to stay with him
Legally, I could do whatever I want, though, since I'm 18. But I told him I wanted to live with stepmom
It caused a whole explosion. He said I was choosing a woman who never even wanted me
That I was turning my back on my real family. His parents, my grandparents, called me ungrateful
Even a few family friends said I was being disloyal and just trying to hurt him
Bro. But here's the thing. Dana does want me now. She's apologized and made an effort
and she's treating me like a human being. She's the one coming to visit my school competitions
and helps me whenever I ask her. My dad hasn't taken a real interest in me in years
She listens. She makes space for me and showed me what it feels like to be safe
So am I the a for choosing to live with my former stepmom instead of my dad Not only are you not an a but your dad is an a So flip that whole story around
Yeah, also, you're 14. All these people, 18? 18. Mind blown. Oh, yeah, graduating high school
They got married when OP was 14. Gotcha. Yeah, it's just like you're their kid
They can't be just accusing you of hurting your parents' feelings on purpose
I don't know. That's just so extravagant. And if you're the real family, then maybe you should understand him a little bit
Or at least try to. Yeah. So not the a-hole for surezies
If the whole family's hitting you up, trying to tell you you're bad, just go ahead and
be like, hey, so here's what he said about me. Yeah. How do you feel now
Just rat him out. Expose him. How do you feel now? he lied to my stepmom and called me like a i don't know he made up this story about how i'm
like a troubled teen because that's the that was weird to me where it's like she walked in she was
like she was acting like i was a danger to her kids i'm like what yeah that was weird and it's
well it makes sense now because she's been told that she probably is yeah a part scene 90 59 says
turns out my dad had told stepmom a lot of stuff about me when they first got together things like
i was manipulative dishonest moosie lazy emotionally unstable so replying to that part
of the story. And the thing that I don't get is why did it take her three years to figure out this
wasn't true when you all live together? If all those things are lies and she lived with you
wouldn't she notice it's untrue within months? OP replies, throughout most of my high school time
I went to a boarding school. I could have come home at the weekends, but because I did feel
unwelcome at home, I stayed there for most of the year. I only came home during the holidays
My senior year, however, I couldn't go back because my father thought the boarding school
would only make me entitled that I would think of myself better than the rest of the family
But that wasn't true at all. How would he even know? My father hasn't taken an interest in me in years
I bet he doesn't even know what sport I like to play or the name of my best friend. He only started to pretend to care when I chose to live with stepmom
A mortally wounded one says not the a-hole. He married a woman and immediately turned her against you for absolutely no reason
Ensuring that you would have a little to no relationship with the woman he chose to be your stepmother
Get away from him and stay away from him as far as I'm concerned
Judgment, not the a-hole. Update, four days later. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Should we just like make like some folks on a trampoline and just like jump in
Jump right into it. Update, four days later. Hi again. I honestly didn't expect my post to get the attention it did
but thank you to everyone who offered support, advice, or even just validation
Reading your comments helped me feel a little less alone in all this I wanted to give an update especially since some people asked if my dad ever tried to explain himself He did After I moved in with my ex things were quiet for a few weeks
Then last week, my dad asked to meet. I agreed, hoping maybe this would be a turning point
That he'd acknowledge the way he treated me and maybe even apologize. But instead, I got a whole different kind of explanation
He told me that he was still in love with my mom, who passed away when I was 10, and that he had never truly moved on
All right, pops, but who asked about that? Yeah. How is this possibly going to tie into you lying about your daughter
Yeah, it feels like it's on its way to just guilt tripping. It's on a direct flight to feel bad for me street
Feel bad for me town. He's the mayor of feel bad for me town. He said that after she passed away, he felt like he lost not just his wife, but a piece of himself
He admitted that he married stepmom not out of love, but because he thought building a new family would help him fill the void
But it didn't. And instead he grew bitter and angry and started taking it out on everyone
On stepmom, on her kids, on me. And then he said something that completely shattered me
He said he never wanted her to bond with me because if she did, it would feel like my mom was being erased
that he couldn't handle the idea of me loving someone else in a mother role
that every time he saw stepmom and I getting along, it felt like I was letting go of my mom and replacing her
which is just not true. I will always love my mom, and nothing could ever change that
but I also deserve to have people in my life who care about me now
people who show it. Stepmom has done that, she's trying, and she's here
When I asked him if he realized how much he'd hurt me, how he'd changed from the dad I remembered
He didn't deny it, but he also didn't apologize. He just said he was dealing with his grief the only way he knew how, and that I should respect that
No. No. No. Just because you have feelings doesn't mean your behaviors are all excused
Yeah. No, absolutely. Like, as he's saying all these things, it's like, okay, the explanation, not the excuse
You can maybe explain these things and be like, I'm sorry. It was the wrong way to deal with this
My bad, dog. I messed that up. But he's not apologizing. He's just saying like, no, this is what was happening
I'm so sad. So now you need to forgive me. Right. He's like, I'm the mayor of feel bad for me town
I was feeling bad. So you can't be mad at me for the things that I did
Maybe I shouldn't drag an entire other family into my mess now that I've realized, hey, this isn't filling the void
This is actually just making me an angry, bitter piece of crap guy. He told me stepmom was taking me away from him and that I had replaced my mom He said word for word you chose her over your real mother memory Wow I walked out Good for you OP A lot of people at 18 wouldn have the understanding that that when you do that
Yeah. I don't think I will talk to him again unless he does apologize and changes his ways
I'm still processing all of this and I'm trying to hold space for the version of my dad who
was kind, who tucked me in at night and made me waffles on Saturdays. But I'm also not going to pretend the last few years didn't happen
Grief isn't an excuse for cruelty. and choosing peace and love now
isn't a betrayal of the past. And by the way, we have past, present, and future episodes
full of stories just like this that you can listen to on Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts
wherever you listen to podcasts. All you gotta do is search OK Storytime
and boom, you've got over 2,000 episodes chock full of juicy goodness just like this
That's right. But we do have a little bit of story left. Yes, we do
Like, can I, like, sympathize with this guy? Yeah. Yeah. Does it excuse all of the mistakes that he's made to the point where he can just go
well, you need to respect that I was going through it when I was doing this
No. No, no, no, no. Does that train of thought cause me to question all of his motives
Yes. So, yeah, I'm not ready to have a relationship with this guy until he reaches out to me expressly apologizing for ruining and sabotaging my relationship with my stepmom
Stepmom is not perfect, but she's trying. And for now, this feels like the healthiest place for me to be
We're rebuilding something strange and new, but it feels more real than anything I've had in years
I don't know what the future holds with my dad, but I know this. I'm allowed to be loved, and I'm allowed to choose it wherever I find it
Thanks again, Reddit. We have some comments to take us on home. Driftwood256 says, not the a-hole
Grief isn't an excuse for cruelty, and choosing peace and love now isn't a betrayal of the past
You couldn't have put it better. What a crappy father. GlassConfusion448 says, there is a really great scene in Clueless where Cher explains about her annoying ex-stepbrother
still hanging around and spending time with her father. and her father says
you divorce a spouse, you don't divorce kids. Choosing the parent and home
that is best for you in the short and long term. Laughing Dragon 77 says
stepmom didn't replace your mom. Sounds like she replaced your dad. One Recipe 74 23 says
my useless dad once argued that my ex-stepmother, now second mother, that she was trying to replace him
She replied back in the softest voice, that seat was empty. Good luck, OP
Know that you're not alone. Your bio mom would be proud of you and your stepmom
Yeah. And that's the end of that story and I agree