WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:11.140 When people hear I used to negotiate with terrorists, they assume I must love hardball tactics, anchoring, ultimatums, take it or leave it 00:11.780 --> 00:25.380 Nope. That stuff gets you killed. Literally and figuratively. Today, I'm going to bust the five most dangerous myths in negotiation 00:25.380 --> 00:36.400 the ones that tank your deals, stall your career, and ruin relationships before they start 00:37.320 --> 00:44.420 Myth number one, get them to say yes. Of course, the myth is that the goal is to get them to say 00:44.420 --> 00:53.540 yes as fast as possible. Wrong. Yes is a trap. People say yes to get rid of you 00:53.540 --> 00:58.800 In fact, yes can be one of the biggest red flags in a negotiation 00:59.540 --> 01:04.599 If they say yes too quickly, they may not have the authority 01:05.760 --> 01:21.470 They may be placating you. They may be setting you up to fail with their team The truth No It safer It makes people feel protected in control 01:21.870 --> 01:29.190 instead of, would you be open to discussing this further? Try. Is now a bad time to talk 01:29.990 --> 01:34.390 Or, would it be ridiculous for us to explore a better way forward 01:34.390 --> 01:44.970 No oriented questions deactivate threat and invite real dialogue. Myth number two, start with common ground 01:46.290 --> 01:50.870 The myth is you need to build rapport by finding common ground first 01:51.830 --> 02:06.090 Sounds nice, but intense or complex negotiations, it's a waste. When someone's skeptical, nervous, or even hostile, they don't care if you both like skiing in Vail 02:06.670 --> 02:10.350 They don't care if you played Little League baseball as a kid 02:11.590 --> 02:18.730 The truth? Build trust by showing you understand their pain. That's tactical empathy 02:19.770 --> 02:40.781 Lead with an accusations on it. You probably thinking this is just another sales call It might feel like I pushing an agenda here This clears emotional landmines before you step on them Myth number three state your value proposition or your elevator speech 02:40.781 --> 02:46.361 or whatever they're calling it these days. The myth is to lead with your value. Tell them why 02:46.361 --> 02:53.341 they need you. Classic mistake. You think you're helping, they think you're selling 02:53.341 --> 02:57.781 In high-stakes negotiations, the more you talk, the more they distrust you 02:58.421 --> 03:06.461 Why? Because the brain is wired to defend. When someone's pitching, we instinctively brace ourselves 03:07.721 --> 03:14.721 So the truth? If you can handle the truth? Let them discover the value 03:15.641 --> 03:23.081 How? Use calibrated questions. Like, how does this line up with what you're trying to solve 03:23.341 --> 03:38.701 Or, what's the biggest obstacle you're facing right now? Ask questions that begin with what or how, which make them articulate their need 03:38.701 --> 03:57.151 Now they selling you the problem to solve Myth number four control the conversation The myth is whoever controls a conversation wins So you talk and talk and talk Congratulations You now in what we call 03:57.151 --> 04:04.851 the agreement graveyard. The real truth, real control comes from having the upper hand in the 04:04.851 --> 04:09.891 negotiation. The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is giving the other side 04:09.891 --> 04:19.951 the illusion of control. How you do this? Strategic silence and great listening. Let's say you're 04:19.951 --> 04:27.011 pitching a big deal. You ask, what are the biggest roadblocks to getting this across the finish line 04:27.011 --> 04:36.751 Then you shut up. Get a PhD and shut up. Silence not just forces their thinking 04:36.751 --> 04:45.371 but creates a space for them to think and to feel connected to you without feeling forced or pushed 04:46.711 --> 04:57.431 And then they can't resist filling that silence. That's where the gold is when they fill the silence 04:58.511 --> 04:59.911 Studies show people's space for them to think and to feel connected to you